Son.
I dreamed about you yesterday, when I awoke without any pictures of you by my bedside I began to worry. As my mind and soul flashed back into the present I realized from a dream to reality I was still captivated. I kissed your forehead as you slept and I held you while you gazed into me like I’ve never been seen before. All this from a dream, a moment that suspended my heart from what feels like one world to the other. It was as if God had given me a glimpse into my future, to see this little boy that I so cherished, and as much as I loved this little guy it made me long even more so for my wife.
It’s easy to get carried away in loneliness, but I’m not as close to lonely as I am close to love. And I understand its not some barren wasteland in which I am searching, but if ever there were a needle my dear I’ve plowed a many field to find you. I see the way my friends look at their wives, I see the way they hold their children, and I’m aware that it isn’t always that euphoric feeling of happiness but that the work involved is extraordinary sometimes; nonetheless, I so desire it.
I want to wake up next to her, I want my kids to wake me up at 6 a.m. against my will just so we can go outside and play. I want to take them to breakfast at a diner so that mommy can get another hour of sleep. I think about these things so often I could list in full detail what I see, but one word can define my visions with the utmost clarity and that word is ‘love.’ I love them, I’m aware I may not even know her or anyone that knows her but I still love her. I love them, they don’t even have a heartbeat yet but I promise you they lay with me in bed at times. I can close my eyes and see them, and then I pray.
My Jesus, My God put that desire in my heart and there’s nothing keeping me from pursuing that just like I pursue the heart of my Savior. I wasn’t meant for celibacy, I was meant to have a family. I wasn’t meant to be alone, I was meant to love and cherish and fill a house with rambunctious kids and catching a glimpse of my beautiful bride as she smiles contently because just like me, she’s seeing her dreams come true. Wherever you are my love, I’m holding out - I am waiting, I’m not perfect and it took me a few tries to get it right but I finally have kept my heart for you and you alone. I pray for you everyday, I truly do, and one day I’ll look into your eyes and we will both know we were meant to be together.
To all the beautiful brides out there, let each day be another day that you dreamed of as a young girl. Don’t give up the chase, and occasionally, give him something to chase to0. And gentlemen, be just that, a gentle men who cultivates, caresses, and adores the beauty you were blessed enough to make your bride. Lord you are good :)
